Helpless

 

I watch with horror as the events in Ferguson, Missouri unfold.  I will not pretend I know exactly what happened but I know as sure as I am a white middle class woman from the East that a white youngster jay walking or being a smart mouth would not have been shot dead. And if you differ I want to hear the details of those incidents that parallel the deaths of so many young black men in this country.

How many times can this happen in this country before we find a solution. I feel helpless. I like to take action . To DO something. But for the life of me I can't think what.

I live in New Jersey and can tell you that the standing comment as we drive on major highways like the NJ Turnpike or Garden State Parkway and see cops pulling someone over is," Oops driving while Black."  Years ago a study came out citing that the police in New Jersey were profiling. ya think! It continues.

I wonder if we need to look at what prompts someone to become a policeman. Is it a need for power and control? Is it suppressed rage? I don't know but I wonder if there is an intersect between the psychology of who chooses that career and their behavior on the job.

I worked in psychiatry for years. Patients sometimes got upset and were unpredictable. We didn't have guns.  We "talked" people down. Maybe police offers need to lose their guns and figure out how to deal with people in other ways.

I guess we are still giving lip service to community policing. To knowing the community you serve in intimate ways. And now thanks to " political correctness" it is harder to really know what a police officer may "really think" while patrolling a community like Ferguson Missouri.    

 I don't mean to disparage an entire group of police officers as most do a difficult and dangerous job remarkably well. We need a well trained group of law enforcement professionals to keep society running smoothly, and in fact to protect the store owners in Ferguson from a small group of looters doing damage to an already raw community. 

Answers have to come. In the meantime those of us who don't know what to do to help

 can do what we can to promote understanding and dialogue and opportunity in the communities where we live.

iPhone Parenting

 

 

Okay so what I am about to  talk about is probably no surprise to anyone. But a rant is in order.  Parents with children of all ages absorbed in their IPhones or IPads . I was in a restaurant enjoying a peaceful lunch when my attention was caught by the squealing and banging of a toddler. He was in a high chair and wanted more than something to eat to have his mother 's attention. His mother was absorbed on her IPad and responded by handing him a variety of different toys. The toys piqued his curiosity for a minute and then he would squeal and bang the toy on the table while staring intently at his mother. She never looked up. Her response was to reach into the diaper bag and produce another toy.  What's the message this young child is receiving?  You' re not important! I have better things to do! He finally reached the end of his frustration tolerance and began crying. To her credit(I guess) she shut the IPad and began shoveling his untouched food into his mouth. She wasn't happy and he wasn't happy.

 

Parents and other caregivers pushing strollers have been observed texting or talking away.  No chatter or singing, no interacting, no notice if the sun is in the kid's eyes or whether the child has fallen uncomfortably to the bottom of the stroller.

 

I especially like observing families out to dinner together.  The children of all ages are given some electronic device or another while the parent's text and check their IPhones.

Really? What happened to "quality time". ( not that I believe in such a thing).  Tons of research  underscores the importance of family time. Time when parents and children talk to each other, when problems are discussed , moods are assessed , plans and announcements are made.

 

So I'm really curious about how these children turn out .